Shine bright like a diamond

"Sometimes the tough moments in life often make way for greater things than you could possibly imagine."

Seven years ago I received one of the greatest trials in my life; the beginning of the end of my first marriage. I was blind sighted, confused, angry, and devastated. It felt as if I was the punch line to a cruel joke. We took the same vows knelt over an alter, yet I was the only one who had kept my end of the promise. Divorce is the same as experiencing a death, only the death are parts of yourself that you will never get back. You begin to slowly unravel because you had become so vulnerable with this other person. You had given them pieces of yourself that you would never get back. Left naked standing in front of the one person that promised to always be there for you asking," why?" knowing you will never get the truth. 

It took me awhile to see my trials as "presents" in disguise; especially this "present". Mind you this "present" was one I wanted to Rachel the hell out of.... F.R.I.E.N.D.S. lovers will understand this, but for those who haven't watched that show/episode Rachel is exposed as a serial gift returner. I found myself wishing I had a receipt. I didn't want this "present". Picture the largest "present" wrapped all pretty with ribbons and bows, but once you start to open the box a cannon full of confetti blasts you in the face. I was disoriented, trying to get my bearings, not entirely sure what had just happened. Confetti was everywhere. It was in that moment I knew this confetti would never be completely gone from my life. There were days where I laid in the confetti feeling defeated others where it felt that all I ever did was clean up the mess the "present" had left. My mother had spent countless hours sweeping alongside me. She was my personal angel. Her love carried me through each aching day. I was never alone. 

As I had searched this "present" for something of value I found two small, flawless diamonds. One I rocked to bed each night with tears in my eyes feeling as if I failed her and the other allowed me to cry on her shoulders. Never judging. Always there to pick me up and dust off the confetti from the hard to reach places. I slowly realized that one of these diamonds wouldn't be in my life had I not received that particular "present". The diamonds were the same size as the confetti and had the light not shown so brightly on them, I would've missed them completely. Over the years I have learned of more effective ways to clean the confetti, making sure to carefully search for the small diamonds that I know I will continually find if only I look. I know I will never be the same woman I was that first opened that particular "present" and frankly I'm grateful for that. Five of the infinite diamonds I have received came from that "present". They are the ones I have the most gratitude for. 

Now if only my hypothetical diamonds were real then I'd make a suit of them. Name that show. 

Always pack an extra umbrella

When we go through a trial it's natural to go inside ourselves and focus on our own lives. I feel there is a fine line between being: self sufficient and selfish. Being self sufficient is a necessity in most situations, but most of the time it turns to being selfish quickly. We see our problems as being the most important thing and we put all our energy into solving OUR problems rather than reaching out to those who are struggling as well. 

There have been times in my life where I have felt too busy, too overwhelmed, too tired, etc the list goes on. In reality, how hard is it to take 5 minutes to send a text or mail a card (we have the usps for a reason) when we think of someone? I found reasons to justify focusing on MY problems. We all have our own storms. All of us. What makes my life more important than someone else's life? Nothing. Most trials you go through, the blessing in the end is that you learn something so you can lift the burden off another's shoulders. Why don't we do this more often? I can not think of a more humbling experience than when I finally reached out to someone and saw how much suffering I could have eased; if only I did it sooner. 

People are placed in our lives for a reason. This is a lesson that keeps getting beat into my head. Your family is the most important thing. However, your family can consist of people that are not blood related. My dearest friends, that are considered family, were acquired from me looking past my own storm to extend an umbrella. 

Logically speaking: taking 5 minutes out of your day can make someone's 1,440 minutes (24hours). Which will then make your week consisting of 10,080 minutes and will take your mind off the storm you are currently facing. It's a win-win situation. Plus, you might actually smile a little more leading all the way back to being a more attractive human being. I know it's a stretch, but it doesn't hurt to try. 

Miracles happen everyday

I have asked one of my dearest friends to write a post. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. She truly is an admirable person who finds the beauty daily. 

“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate”- Dove chocolate wrapper

I have never been one of those people that has ever taken any part of my life for granted. I have always loved spending time with my family. I adore and cherish my children, my husband, my parents, my siblings, my nephews, aunt & uncles, cousins, my in-laws and my true friends.

Every morning I wake up and every evening I go to bed I am so thankful for every part of my life. I have been blessed with the love of a man that has been with me from near death & back and still looks at me like I am the most amazing person in the world. I have been blessed with my beautiful children that are everything and more than I could’ve ever imagined. Every time I look at my kids, I almost cry because I almost never made it to see them grow up, to hear them tell me about their day and to get their beautiful hugs and kisses. I am blessed with unconditional love and support from my amazing parents, my siblings, my nephews and my extended family!

Over the past almost 4 years I have had many struggles with myself. The hardest day of my life was when I was 25 years old and I was involved in a fatal car accident with my grandparents and my mom. That horrible day I lost 2 of my heroes and thought I would be losing a lot more. As I sat in the car trying to figure out what happened, I looked around at everyone in the car and I felt completely helpless. I made eye contact with my mom and said, “ I am sorry” I climbed out of the car not knowing if that was the last time I would ever see her. I laid on the side of the car wishing I could hold my kids and my husband. I thought I would never get to see my parents, my siblings, my nephews or anyone in my family that I love and hold dear. My guardian angel was one the first responders to our accident. She talked to me and made me promise her that she would have a new facebook friend when I got out of the hospital. Although, I could not see her because my vision had gone blurry, I knew she was and still is my guardian angel. Both my grandparents passed away from injuries sustained in this accident and I never got to say good bye, but I know without a doubt they know how I feel about them because I told them all the time!

I spent 2 weeks in the ICU and 1 week in a rehabilitation center. My first week there was spent in a horrifying chemical induced coma. I suffered a broken C2 (a.k.a. hangman’s fracture), a slip in my C3 & C4, broken ribs, punctured lungs, lacerated liver & kidney and a ruptured spleen. I ended up in a halo device for 3.5 months, which was a struggle all it’s own to go out in public or even face my kids. Although some people found humor in my halo, and believe me that hurt, I still smiled at their snarky jokes. I couldn’t pick up my kids and I could barely kiss them, it was so hard to figure out to function how I was used to functioning.

My husband and I drove from Texas to Utah and I cried our whole 14 hour drive home from the hospital because I didn’t know what my kids were going to think of my halo. I thought maybe they would be scared and not want to come near ne but when I got home, they ran and hugged me. Every time my husband looked at me, I felt embarrassed but he would always tell me how beautiful I was. My whole family made me feel like I was still myself even when I felt I wasn’t me anymore.

Even though I still have hard days, all my scars and pain remind me of how lucky and blessed I am to be where and who I am. If I am having a hard day I remind myself that I am alive. I almost didn’t live to see my 26^thbirthday and every year I am excited to get older and see all the amazing experiences my life has to offer. It took me many years to realize that I am still the same person and once I realized that, I became at peace with myself.

I hope that for anyone reading this, no matter what you have been through in life and I know there might be times you feel knocked down and like you can’t get up again, please remind yourself how lucky you are to be alive and how amazing you are! 

Life really is beautiful and so are you! 

To all my family and friends that have been there to support me and love me for me, Thank you! You can never imagine how much you helped me heal!

-Kassitty Knight